HEY YOU! WRITERS! READERS! REVIEWERS! SUBMIT A REVIEW!!!!!!!
(Reviewers are writers after all) 2/9 UPDATE!!!! 1,000 word limit. And though this part may be obvious, I'll write it anyway: you can't submit based on the fact that the reviewer liked your book or a book you loved. The review itself has to have moved you -- not the book it's about. And the potential categories:
ALL GENRES WELCOME
Funniest Snark
Most Moving
Worst (as in writing? or giving away plot? most pointless? most wandering from the subject? Heck maybe the whole contest could be based around this particular area. . .but NO.)
Most Convincing (either to read or not read a book)
Most Kowtowing/Gushing
Most Thought-Provoking
Most Unusual Format (for example: a Q and A between the reviewer and her conscience)
Please submit -- and use your own reviews and categories. I like the way AAR does contests. Organic is good. It has to be a review but it can come from a blog or formal review site.
Shortest has already been taken by Dorothy Parker, Although this site's movie reviews are great -- Scroll down a bit and they're on the right.
Prize to be determined: But not a book. God knows the reviewer probably doesn't need a book. Although a nice volume of reviews from The New Yorker would be good. . maybe we need a good pretentious name too.
Update: The single GRAND prize will be a beautiful blank journal and pen.
In my opinion, reviews are not like hard news stories -- or even editorials. The writer doesn’t hide any emotions or biases; he celebrates them. The best reviewer is open about her perspective. We are reminded that a single person, with his unique history and set of standards, is interacting with the book. Years ago, The New Yorker’s Pauline Kael set the standard for reviews that gave a face to the writer -- an individual’s flavor to the examination.
Yes, these might be more self-involved pieces, yet they are the only honest ones. When someone evaluates her reaction to a book, she does a disservice to her readers and the book when she attempts to hide her own possible biases. If he presents himself as some sort of arbiter of Truth, instead of an ordinary grubby human like the rest of us, the reviewer gains a false authority that should be held only by original works and not commentary on them.
Since this is not like the rest of the world -- my opinion actually matters for once -- I have to give Alyssa the prize. I must say the other reviewers are very good and are all clear in justifying their positions. To simply state a position with no evidence to back it up is a crime that should be punished, perhaps with sharpened pencils up the fingernails. (I will look for evidence that this is a truly criminal act later.) Alyssa wins because she follows the strongest criterion I established for myself.